News for 2016

Unfortunately we have very little news from Lambourme, as our Roving Reporter bet on a Brexit and a Trump win, and since collecting his winnings has not been seen since. Although reports have come in that the ex-Bandito was seen pitching for the contract to build the new mexico wall!

Luckily though the roving photographer didn't bet the same way and caught a few snaps

Before the event though there was much talk about how un-duck like Mike James was - too prove how un-duck like he is, on a recent golfing experience, a 'friend' helped Mike try to get to his watery ball. Unfortuntely this friend failed to keep hold of Mike's belt as he lent in and as a result .... well confirmation that Mike is not a duck!

But on to the event results. Congratulations to first time winner Alan Brunton, picking up his winnings from Capitano.

Alan's result almost netted an unexpected Order of Merit, Alan was not in the running beforehand but almost crept up to take a last minute shock win, but Ian Turvill held his nerve just enough to take the Order by just one point.

Well done to all for another great Order Of Merit year. A few more fun events to go this year. See you all soon.

Editor: Frazer Webb

You can see the full set of results on the results page

This seasons final Order Of Merit can be seen here

After driving along the very picturesque entrance to Burhill we were confronted by the very imposing main building, it crossed my mind whether I was in the right place, but then, an equally imposing car park fellow allayed my fears by telling me to "park over there and make sure you don't come back out this way?"

Anyway the weather was kind for the 23 players that attended and the course not only looked magnificent, it played well to, the greens were true and very fast. Well done Ian for getting us on a superb course for such a fantastic price, not sure how you managed it, someone mentioned Morris Dancing was used as a threat.

The Bridesmaid AKA Bryan Carter finally come to be the Bride and came first instead of second (this is not uncommon according to his missus).

Luke P, best Guest and nearest the pin, as well as giving a demonstration of his dancing skills on a tee box, our captain was very impressed and mentioned Britain's got talent!!!

Out on the course, our society's normally impeccable etiquette (excluding Macca) was put under pressure, Frazer was challenging one of our member's parentage, using colourful language and abusing his clubs, he was duly fined by the captain.

Just as well the Captain never heard the last group swearing at the group in front that never let them through as they were so slow, oh he did, he was part of the slow group. He duly fined himself and his group members, then he fined the group behind for also being slow as a result of his group, Cunning fine addition.

Other fines included, Paul H for making Frazer swear, Tony P for giving a playing golf lesson, it worked for his pupil, so he is playing with me next time!!, Dave F for poor golf trolley and green detection, Michael P for being absent minded ref the trophy, Me for using the notes from the previous game for something personal, Luke P for showing his dance moves on the tee, Colin T for exhibiting illiteracy filling in the score card & Ray S just because he deserves it!

Winner - Bryan Carter with 35 points
Longest Drive (5th) - Paul Donlevy
Nearest The Pin (6th) - Luke Peters
Nearest The Pin in 2 shots (12th) - Bryan Carter
Nearest The Pin in 3 shots (14th) - Chris Turvill

Winner Bryan Carter collecting his trophy from Captain Shorter.

Last month's winner Alan Sutcliffe, finalling collecting his trophy for the win at Hartley Wintney way back in August.

Roving reporter: Back from the bushes of last time, Paul Beard

You can see the full set of results on the results page

The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

Unfortunately the news this month is a little short on content as the Roving Reporter got lost in the bushes a bit, and we think may have had to use his notepad for rather different purposes!

But without knowing what went on on the course, we do know the results, and well done to first time winner Alan Sutcliffe.

Winner - Alan Sutcliffe with 34 points
Nearest The Pin (3rd) - Paul Donlevy
Nearest The Pin in 2 shots (7th) - Mark Turvill
Nearest The Pin (14th) - Alan Sutcliffe
Nearest The Pin in 3 shots (16th) - Absolutely nobody!!!!!! Again!

Winner Alan Sutcliffe collecting his trophy from Captain Shorter. Well he didn't get his trophy actually, as Mr Prevo forgot to bring it! He got fined!

Roving reporter: Errm, not sure where he was :-)

You can see the full set of results on the results page

The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

We arrived early at the wonderful East Berkshire golf course for Captains day, very early. We waited outside in our shorts and polo shirts in the fresh air patiently for the club to open. Only to be told by Darren A after several minutes, that it was in fact open as he had already been inside but thought that we preferred standing out in the cooler air chatting? He was informed that we didn't.

The insults started thick and fast, Pink or White shirts were the order of the day. Paul H must be colour blind, that shirt was never pink.

The winner of the cup was in no doubt, Ian T was taking it very seriously, practicing his swing in the club house as well as undergoing altitude training in the Swiss alps in preparation, whereas the rest of us needed preparation H as Macca is a pain in the Ar$e.

Ian had also undertaken to have highlights applied to his hair, please see the picture, he asked whether it made him look a bit like Ian Poulter. I believe that he may be losing it a bit as he mentioned something about me being Michelin man, but I have never won an accolade for cooking.

Matt T's footwear choice (flip flops) cost him as well as a myriad of other fines including making his mother-in-law clean a trophy and making the captain pick it up for him.

Macca, well, he confessed his undying love for the captain during the round, but saved his wind for the afternoon round - both Dave F and myself felt special. The afternoon round dictated that every player was only allowed to carry 4 clubs one being a putter, crazy I know, but a good few players scored better with this method.

Darren A had a few problems filling in the form to pick the winner, however it was spotted and numerous persons came to his assistance.

John T needed some assistance, he couldn't find the way to the first tee and when he asked someone it was pointed out that he was actually standing under the sign showing the direction.

Ray S - hat off to you, he also had to show off and get a Lemon Posset to finish his lunch of ham egg and chips, during the evening meal he informed the waitress that he liked a tart.

Mike J will learn to remove his hat before shaking hands on the 18th next time.

Morning - 18 hole Individual Stroke play
Winner - Ian Turvill
Nearest The Pin - 9th hole - Absolutely nobody - bunch of bleedin amateurs!
Nearest The Pin in 3 shots - 10th hole - Mark Turvill
Nearest The Pin in 2 shots - 15th hole - Paul Donlevy
Nearest The Pin - 16th hole - Mark Turvill (again!)

Morning - team competition winners: Paul Donlevy, Darren Anderson & Alan Brunton
Afternoon individual winner: Darren Anderson
Afternoon team competition winners: Matt Turvill, Darren Anderson & Ian Turvill
Afternoon Hickory club Nearest the Pin - 5th hole - Ray Steele
Afternoon Hickory club Longest Drive - 8th hole - Matt Turvill

Morning Individual winner Ian Turvill collecting his trophy for Captain Shorter.

Roving reporter: Paul 'Michelin Man' Beard

You can see the full set of results on the results page

The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

The Drift looked menacing (or was it the clouds) as we arrived with heavy rain forecast. Players donned their wet suits in defiance - some even dancing around to warn the rain off. Well, whatever happened, the rain did not materialise and a quite pleasant afternoon was had by all.

The course was presented in good condition with greens running true apart from a couple where they had been hollow tined, scores varying from a low of 21 to high of 36.

  • First Tee Shorter has purchased a new driver - Ebay special - but it works and two events running has not been the shortest by quite a way - and yes it was airborne.

  • Dave Flavell had a rush of blood - after parring the 15th he proudly stood on the 16th Tee, first a swing and a .... touch or was it just wind.... His ball moved all of 2 inches forward but about 2 feet right. As they say after the Lord Mayors Show comes the dustcart.

  • Colin T's pre game drink was too strong as he fell over on the first Tee.

  • Alan Sutcliffe (with hat) spent many an hour in the woods, however he was seen coming down the 18th on the fairway which is more than can said about his fellow players.

  • Paul Healy was seen fashioning a very unusual belt - was it one from his wife's collection - he did try to hide it under his belly.

  • Chris T birdied the hardest hole on the course - his only notable contribution to the day.

  • John Thorp's drives were long and straight as opposed to the rest of his game.

  • Alan Brunton was given some Dunlop balls - he did his best to lose them but fellow playing partners kindly found them.

  • Alan Sutcliffe was seen with club leaving the hand on more than one occasion

  • Darren tried his best to hit Chris T, his playing partner - once on the first hole seen by most of the society.

  • John Furness visited the woods several times - comes to all as you get older!!

  • Our next event is Friday July 8th - Captains Day at East Berks - Hoping for a dry day!

    Nearest the Pin in 2 shots - Hole 4 - John Furness
    Nearest the Pin in 2 shots - Hole 12 - Frazer Webb
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 16 - Paul Beck
    Nearest the Pin in 3 shots - Hole 18 - Michael Prevost
    Strongest Man - Dave Flavell - 21 Points
    Winner John Furness - 36 Points - seen below accepting the trophy for Captain Shorter.

    Stand-in Roving reporter: Ian Turvill

    You can see the full set of results on the results page

    The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

    The weather encountered for many on route to Milford golf course can only be described as Biblical. However apart from a few drops on the first tee the afternoon turned out to be a very pleasant one, well for most, you have to feel for the Peters family having to put up with the Vice-captain. The three of them had issues with sand, Macca ploughed a bunker on the 15th with his trolley, Tony P had so many shots in one bunker that he gave up and Luke, well he found most of the bunkers on the course.

    The course was not in the best condition especially the greens; here, the grass was longer than the hair on Ian T's bonce.

    Colin T had a birdie on the 6th, sorry a goose, yes he hit a goose, but the goose lived to tell the tale.

    Prev confused us a little on the first, we weren't sure whether he was going to play golf or go diving due to his wonderful wetsuit.

    Darren A's first shot from the tee travelled about 250 yds, upwards and 2yds forwards; he has a new nickname "3 off the tee"

    The captain had a lot of dirty golf balls and I believe that's why he put most of them in the water.

    The present captain and last year's captain played together and there combined scores would not have seen them in the prizes! The fines were flowing thick and fast afterwards, I don't believe the captain is an ex teacher thou, more a doctor, as I cannot decipher his handwriting for the fines, hence this is a little short.

    Winner Ian Turvill in photo with Captain Shorter!

    Roving reporter: Paul Beard

    You can see the full set of results on the results page

    The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

    Sutton Green welcomed us on a lovely sunny day, and a well done for Ian for getting it right this time, although the reporter was not welcomed when entering the member's only locker room. (Thanks Ian)

    After the customary greeting in the club house we all proceeded to the first tee. We marvelled at the entertainment, Frazer's juggling, and the fashion parade of hats, sported by Dave F. The crowd was soon dispersed by the vice-captain's emissions, for which he was fined. This confirms our suspicions that he's a bag of wind, to add to his Tourette's.

    The excitement for teeing off on the first got to a few players, John T and Tony P, teeing off out of order, their names were soon entered in to the captains little black book, which in fact is red?

    Colin T gave a master class in putting and Dave F manged a 160 foot put with a driver.

    After the round, which some found to be slow (although it was almost spot on to minute that the card suggested the round should take) we headed to the showers, well most of us. Here the captain got a bit confused and thought he was launching a ship and smashed a bottle in there to celebrate.

    The meal looked very nice, although I cannot comment as I opted for a Salad which cost me a £1. The vice-captain was not to impressed with the vegetables that were on offer and only selected carrots stating that he was not going to eat anything that resembled a tree (broccoli), however, he did manage to wolf down two fruit crumble and custard deserts in record time.

    A lot of the members were unaware that we had a budding actor within the society Mark T, although it was said that in one play he was dressed as a character similar to the silver surfer which created a few gasps from the audience as it did not leave a lot to the imagination by all accounts.

    Nearest the Pin - Hole 5 - Michael Prevost
    Nearest the Pin in 2 - Hole 12 - Ian Turvill
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 16 - Chris Turvill
    Nearest the Pin in 3 - Hole 18 - Chris Turvill
    Strongest Man - Dave Flavell - 20 Points
    Winner Paul Donlevy - 36 Points

    Winner Paul Donlevy below in photo with Captain "1st tee" Shorter - well done all!

    Roving reporter: Paul Beard

    You can see the full set of results on the results page

    The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

    Forest of Arden 10/11th April 2016

    A first for some years saw a Bunkers led two day trip away to the Marriott Forrest of Arden with its two courses - the Arden being used for many championship matches in the past- The British Masters and The English Open - Colin Montgomery one of the many winners. The Arden Course designed by Donald Steele in 1970 and remodelled 1992, cleverly laid out between mature trees, grassland and Deer and an abundance of water!! The Aylesford course being shorter, again designed by Donald Steele, still has many challenging holes with well laid out traps and using the mature trees and ditches to good effect.

    15 players arrived Sunday Lunchtime, keen and eager to see what challenges Donald Steele had laid out for us. Although the weather was kind to us - it wasn't raining - the wind and temperature made up for it. Why is it, on any golf course the wind seems to be predominately into your face?! Paul had chosen NP, NP2 and LD skill holes - The NP2 proved too much with no one managing to hit the green although there was a lot of talk in the bar after on how close we all were - the score card never lies :. Scores were varied with only 4 people breaking the 30 barrier and 2 did not break 20. Well done to Dennis Hussey winning with a fine 37 points.

    After golf we all checked in to sumptuous rooms and met in the Oaks bar for pre drinks before having a well-earned meal. One of the slimmest players - Alan Brunton - tucked in - for a little man he certainly can pack it way. Then it was off to the bar to watch the masters.

    Day two and after hearty full English it was off to the challenges of the championship course. Yes there is lots of water, trees but if you keep it down the middle there should not be a problem - a well versed phrase and a well-known problem' A lovely course, great golf holes and a real challenge. Although not as windy the length made up for it. Even the likes of big hitting Paul Healy - he said - a Par 4 were my third shot still left me 120 yards to the green. Two skill prizes were up for grabs today - both NP's the first off which was all over water - from the yellows 147 yards - but today we played it of the Blues - all 166 yards. Our winner for this was Alan Brunton who played the time honoured bouncing bomb approach to keep the ball under the wind!! Today, only 2 people broke 30 and 3 didn't break 20. Well done to Pete Beecham winning with 33 Points.

    I must mention Dave Shorter who kept up his first tee tradition and also to Mick Tidder who after the first round had to be put on suicide watch after he worst ever game of golf scoring a mere 10 points.

    Before we get to the results, a big hand of thanks must go to Paul Healy for organising the event ably assisted by Alan Brunton. Let's hope this is not just a one off but becomes a yearly event.

    Bottles of wine were awarded to the winners and Skill Prize winners and a 60 degree wedge to the overall winner - an embarrassed but well deserved winner - Mr Paul Healy!!

    Results in table below - positions shown in brackets for each day - count back rules etc. not applied?
    Paul Healy35 (2)31 (2)66-1st
    Alan Brunton29 (5)23 (9)52NP Day 26th
    Dennis Hussey37 (1)24 (7)61-3rd
    Bob Davis22 (12)22 (10)44NP day 1 & 210th
    Andy Wink29 (5)13 (15)42-12th
    Mark Brogden30 (3)25 (5)55-5th
    Dave Greenfield23 (11)24 (7)47-8th
    Pete Beechem29 (5)33 (1)62-2nd
    John Thorp20 (13)21 (11)41-13th
    Martin Green23 (10)20 (12)43-14th
    Dave Shorter19 (14)14 (14)33-15th
    Rob Ewing26 (8)19 (13)45-9th
    Ian Turvill24 (9)26 (4)50-7th
    Tony Peters30 (3)30 (3)60LD Day 14th
    Mick Tidder10 (15)25 (5)35-14th

    Burnham Beeches was again the host for our second event of 2016. A nice turn out, 21 including 5 guests. I must add that it was a poor date selection by Ian, as the day before the match was a gloriously sunny one, but saying that, I suppose that it saved a few of the players head getting burnt. However this would not have bothered Tony, even his eyes would have been shaded from the sun with the quiff he now sports.

    A respectable win with 38 points for Mark Turvill, who was mumbling on about being gross on the first series of holes, no fine from the new Captain thou. Bryan (always the bridesmaid never the Bride) Carter was second with 36 points and Austin's Healy's brother Paul (I'm sure someone told me that) was third with 33 points.

    Ian Turvill's comment to his Nephew Mark (the winner) after his tee shot on the 17th par 3 nearest the pin was "I wouldn't have the cheek to put my name on that" after it only just made the front of the green, soon ate his words as it was the only shot to hit the green, well done again Mark. While we are talking about nearest the pins it seem that Ian can not count above 3, hence that's why we had 2 each of the nearest the pins in 1 & 2!!

    Our captain was impersonating Anita Ward during the fines, he was rambling on about "you can ring my bell" which cost a few people a £1.

    Dave Flavell forgot his jacket for the evening meal, he was offered a loan of one from the club, but they then relinquished the rule for him, £1 please. They should have made him wear it, it was quite something to see to be honest, he would have resembled green grass from the TV show and made us all chuckle.

    I look forward to meeting again at the next match.

    Nearest the Pin in 2 - Hole 15 - Paul Healy
    Nearest the Pin in 2 - Hole 9 - Dave Evans
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 3 - Ian Turvill
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 17 - Mark Turvill
    Strongest Man - Paul Beard - 16 Points
    Winner Mark Turvill - 38 Points

    Winner Mark Turvill below in photo with this years Captain "1st tee" Shorter - well done all!

    Our new roving reporter: Paul Beard

    You can see the full set of results on the results page

    The current Order Of Merit can be seen here

    We returned to Pine Ridge for our first outing of 2016, weather was kind to us - relatively fresh but at least dry. 16 members and 5 guests allowed for 7 *3 Balls teeing off at 12.30pm. A good round followed.

    A few notes from the course:
  • Our Captain - Dave '1st Tee' Shorter (first outing as captain) fresh from the driving range with confidence, but his jinx continues and although a longer shot, it was very much a grubber. His team mates confirmed after that his Tee shots were good.

  • We welcome Ray Steele who has joined the society

  • We also saw extremes of clothing; Darren Anderson was out in a Short Sleeved Tee Shirt, whereas many others had wet weather gear, thermal under clothes and Hats. In fact Darren had a long sleeve shirt on for the meal after so had more clothes on indoors than outdoors!

  • We must mention John Thorp who, at the AGM took a voluntary cut to 18 only to smash the course and came in with a very nice 40 points. Not always the best move as a big cut will be due and as this is the first match of the season might make the remainder games a bit trickier.

  • Last year, Michael Prevost was a three time winner, all after some injury, but not this time and managed to get the lowest score, a mere 23 points.

  • Bryan Carter Chipped in on the Par 3 - 6th.

  • Colin Turvill Chipped in on the Par 3 - 17th.

  • Mark Turvill did not have his best game, many Tee shots found the trees but, he always managed to get out ok. He is going to write to Pine Ridge to suggest relocation of Tees to the Trees! Like normal, the provisional shots were straight. He also wore a Step Meter. Allowing for the morning getting to the course (he drove) he still managed to do some 17000 steps, so he either shuffled a lot on the green or he spent a lot of time criss-crossing the fairways.

  • Frazer spent his fair time in or behind the trees but each time he managed to play straight out.

  • John Thorp was well wrapped up suffering from a cold. He did not receive much sympathy as he had sent e mail replies 'from Sunny Dubai' and even had the nerve to send pictures. Still he had the last laugh by winning.

  • We must also mention our past Captain. Paul Beard judged timing to perfection, trying to text or phone people during the meal and the fines period. Wise people had put their phone on silent, so Mr Beard - bring some cash next time!!

  • Lastly, we have to mention Alan Sutcliffe - his hands must have been wet or his grips need replacing as one of his clubs managed to escape his hands, or was it frustration at another bad shot?!?!

  • Nearest the Pin in 3 - Hole 14 - Frazer Webb
    Nearest the Pin in 2 - Hole 7 - Paul Donelevy
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 3 - Paul Beck
    Nearest the Pin - Hole 17 - Frazer Webb
    Strongest Man - Michael Prevost - 23 Points
    Winner John Thorp - 40 Points

    Winner John Thorp (again) 40 Points below in photo with this years Captain "1st tee" Shorter - well done all!

    Stand in roving reporter: Ian Turvill

    You can see the full set of results on the results page

    The current Order Of Merit can be seen here